A blog dedicated to the New York Mets with some other baseball thrown in.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Irrefutable Facts About Jack Bauer?

I think everyone knows that Chuck Norris can kick the fictional Jack Bauer's ass. Regardless of the fact that Chuck Norris can, and has done this in the here and now while Jack Bauer is completely fabricated, the Jack facts are entertaining.

1) If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

2) If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

3) Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

4) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

5) Jack Bauers calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

6) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

7) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

8) Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

9) Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.

10) Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

11) Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.

12) When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

13) There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.

14) Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.

15) Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.

....to be continued

* * *

  • A new Valentine's Day craze?

    If it's Valentine's Day, it must be White Castle.

    No, seriously.

    More than 300 city couples wined and dined - okay, just dined - on sacks of Slyders yesterday as part of a special Feb. 14 promotion by the fast-food chain famous for its bite-sized, 49-cent burgers.

    Mmmmmm...White Castle....

  • One year, $9 million dollars.

    On the day pitchers and catchers reported to spring training, the Angels made their biggest move of the off-season by acquiring pitcher Jeff Weaver on Tuesday to fortify the starting rotation.

    Weaver, who went 14-11 with a 4.22 ERA for the Dodgers last season, signed a one-year deal worth $8.4 million that includes incentives which could take his salary as high as $9 million.

    According to a source, the Angels were trying to finalize a two-year deal worth around $17 million, but Weaver balked because he felt he was being paid under market value and didn't want to commit to that pay level for more than one season. Weaver made $9.35 million with the Dodgers last season.

    It also begs the question, do players play harder in their walk year?

    While it was Jeff Weaver that balked at a deal of more than one year, it is the Angels who could actually benefit, since Weaver will be pitching to earn a long-term deal after the season. Kevin Millwood singed a one-year deal with the Cleveland Indians last season and won the American League ERA title at 2.86.

    "I've herd the theory," general manager Bill Stoneman said. "I don't know statistically if you can prove the theory. What you want is you want everybody on your club giving 100 percent, 100 percent of the time.

    We know there are some that have monstrous walk years, but to think that players are mailing it in until they get a chance to line their pockets is certainly disconcerting.

  • Here is a nice little read on Rick Ankiel.

    How much of a future Ankiel has as an everyday outfielder could crystallize in the coming weeks. At two levels last summer, he hit 21 home runs with 75 RBIs in 85 games. He caught eyes. He evolved from experiment to curiosity to, although 26, prospect.

  • The Mets top ten fantasy players:

    1. David Wright | 3B | $31
    Young, great and getting better. He added stolen bases to his already impressive skill set, making his toolbox full. Wright is a .302 hitter over his season and a half in the big leagues, and he has real power. He'll score and drive in runs, and he will likely spend more of the season hitting in more premium spots in the order than last year. Hitting in pitchers' park Shea Stadium doesn't even seem to faze Wright. You're watching the beginning of a career that has "Cooperstown" written all over it.

    Cooperstown? Fucking swell. The kid can play.

  • MLB.com looks at the Mets bench.

    Mets: Marlon Anderson and Jose Offerman are gone, but Chris Woodward and Ramon Castro return. Those two, plus outfielder Endy Chavez and ageless wonder Julio Franco, provide Mets manager Willie Randolph with versatility and veteran talent on his bench.

    Woodward started at six positions last season -- he didn't pitch, catch or start in center field -- and rarely looked uncomfortable. Two game-winning hits underscored his value.

    Chavez can play all three outfield positions. He may emerge as the team's primary pinch-runner, even in situations in which other outfielders are involved. He could replace Carlos Delgado or Franco on the bases, then play the outfield with Xavier Nady shifting to first base.

    How the rest of the bench breaks down depends on whom Randolph has playing second base and right field. Kaz Matsui and Anderson Hernandez are the second-base options and Nady and Victor Diaz are in the hunt for the right-field job. Non-roster invitee Jose Valentin is also in the picture.

  • Like many of us, Ken Rosenthal is concerned about a once very deep staff.

    2. The Mets' loss of starting-pitching depth.

    Granted, the Mets needed to upgrade their bullpen, but by trading right-handers Kris Benson and Jae Seo in separate deals, GM Omar Minaya left his rotation perilously thin. He also parted with the Mets' top pitching prospect, right-hander Yusmeiro Petit, in the Carlos Delgado trade.

    The Mets' rotation will consist of three older pitchers — Pedro Martinez, 34; Tom Glavine, 39 and Steve Trachsel, 35 — along with the maddening Victor Zambrano and promising but unproven Aaron Heilman. Beyond those five, who knows?

    Jorge Julio and Duaner Sanchez, the relievers acquired for Benson and Seo, had better be good.

  • John Sickels goes over lays out his Mets top 20 and I have to say, I don't agree.


    1. Lastings Milledge, OF, Grade A-
    2. Mike Pelfrey, RHP, Grade A- (changed from book)
    3. Anderson Hernandez, SS, Grade C+
    4. Brian Bannister, RHP, C+
    5. Carlos Gomez, OF, C+
    6. Emmanuel Garcia, SS, C+
    7. Brett Harper, 1B, C+
    8. Fernando Martinez, OF, C+
    9. Robert Parnell, RHP, C+
    10. Phil Humber, RHP, C
    11. Alay Soler, RHP, C
    12. Jeff Keppinger, 2B, C
    13. Mike Carp, 1B, C
    14. Ryan Coultas, SS, C
    15. Matthew Durkin, RHP, C
    16. German Marte, RHP, C
    17. Shawn Bowman, 3B, C
    18. Nick Evans, 3B, C
    19. Jon Niese, LHP, C
    20. Evan MacLane, LHP, C

    Boy, what a depressing farm system, the guts ripped out by trades this winter.

    To refresh everyone's memory...

    BA's top 10
    1. Lastings Milledge
    2. Mike Pelfrey
    3. Phil Humber
    4. Carlos Gomez
    5. Fernando Martinez
    6. Anderson Hernandez
    7. Brian Bannister
    8. Alay Soler
    9. Deolis Guerra
    10. Jon Niese

    My top 10...
    1. Lastings Milledge
    2. Mike Pelfrey
    3. Fernando Martinez
    4. Carlos Gomez
    5. Phil Humber
    6. Deolis Guerra
    7. Alay Soler
    8. Brian Bannister
    9. Andy Wilson
    10. Bobby Parnell

    Despite how subjective rating prospects can be, especially with kids like Fernando Martinez that you have not seen and the track record for Cuban defectors in Soler's case, I think he missed the mark. He completely omitted Deolis Guerra for one and his top 20 is deserving of a nice roundhouse to the head.

  • Sosa might retire. Big whoopie. Hall of Famer, or not? I say no. Why? Because I do not put him up there in legendary status and his career is somewhat marred.

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