A blog dedicated to the New York Mets with some other baseball thrown in.

Friday, February 17, 2006

More Irrefutable Facts About Jack Bauer?

1) If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

2) When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

3) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

4) If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

5) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

6) Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

7) If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.

8) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. (this was one of the best TV lines ever...I cracked up when I heard him say this)

9) Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

10) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

11) Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

12) When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".

13) Jack Bauer once won a game of rock paper scissors using neither rock, paper nor scissors.

14) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

15) When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

16) Jack Bauer once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

17) Tom Jones throws his underwear on stage for Jack Bauer.

* * *

  • Pedro is coming along fine and feels better. Get ready for DAILY updates on Pedro. This will get old quickly.

  • The Mariners are making Kenji Johjima feel at home.

    They have named him "Yo-mama," the old insult that has evolved to friendly familiarity.

    Closer/kidder Eddie Guardado spun that into "Jose-jima."

    "He don't look Japanese to me," Guardado said, showing he can poke fun from the get-go. "I think he's Mexican-ese."

  • Boras speaks out...

    Guillen apparently didn't see it that way. "Alex was kissing Latino people's (butts)," he said. "He knew he wasn't going to play for the Dominicans; he's not a Dominican! I hate hypocrites. He's full of (bleep)."

    He is full of shit Ozzie. The slap heard around the world destroyed his credibility no matter how many lives he saves.

    "The thing I'd say about that is that if Alex is a hypocrite, then everyone who is American and has parents of different heritage and wants to be respectful of that is a hypocrite, too," agent Scott Boras said. "If that's being a hypocrite, then I'd want to be one. Alex was thoughtfully considering a difficult decision and was trying to make the right decision for him and his family."

  • Did anyone else know that Jose Reyes' 161 games in 2005 were a Met record for shortstops?

    That's difficult to imagine after Reyes led the National League with 60 stolen bases last season and stayed healthy enough to play a club-record 161 games at shortstop (Bud Harrelson set the previous mark of 156 in 1970).

  • IT'S LIMA TIME!!! After seeing a few pictures of his wife, I started wondering how much money he has made over his career to land such a woman and have her stay with him after he was relegated to pitching in the Independent League for a time. I'm not suggesting she is a gold digger, but sometimes you have to wonder. Then, I read this...

    Jose Lima arrived in a three-piece gray suit, which he said was one of the 2,000 in his collection. "I never repeat a suit," Lima said. As for earning a spot on the Mets, he said, "Even though I struggled last year, Jose Lima's not done yet. And I'm going to prove that."

    Now I really started to wonder how much he has made. 2,000 suits? Let us put them at $500 each, which is rather conservative being It's Lima Time!!!! probably does not put on anything less than Hugo Boss suits and that would be slumming for a man of his stature. That means he has spent at least $1,000,000 on suits. In his career, he has raked in $24,075,444 and spent 4% of that on suits. The results say he has a enough money to hang onto her since he made the lions share of it in Texas, but he does lead a quite lavish lifestyle as evidenced by his "stylish gray suit, a black fedora complete with feather and a garish pair of earrings that would choke a Hilton" that he wore the other day so bankruptcy might also be around the corner if he does not keep pulling down million dollar paychecks.

  • If you want to read about LoDuca, you have plenty of virtual ink out there for him. I personally don't care.

  • Bob Raissman's article on SNY gave me the warm and fuzzies.

    Dolan and Time Warner chief Dick Parsons didn't swap Valentine's Day cards the other day, but Cablevision - as a programmer - already has deals in place with Time Warner and Comcast. In the future, Cablevision will bring new networks onto the market while also looking to renew old deals.

    So, it may make it easier for Cablevision to carry SNY when it knows down the road, during a negotiation, Time Warner or Comcast might be more inclined to cut a deal with Cablevision to carry one of its networks - like AMC, MSG, or FSNY.

  • Even is Scobie pitches lights out this spring, the team is way too crowded for him to make it. This year is a stark contrast to to last year when it was more wide open since there are more spots guaranteed to people no matter how much they struggle. Too bad. Say hello to Heath Bell in AAA for us.

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