I Cheered For The Yankees
Gentlemen (and Coop), I am still alive. I just got back from a wedding in Mexico that involved me getting slapped on the ass by a hot lesbian, lots of tequila, and faint memories of leaving this great country we all call America. All in all, it was a splendid time.
Last night, I sat three rows behind the Rangers dugout behind a person called the Yankee Super Fan and appeared on the jumbo-tron. Good times all around. The beer was flowing, I had a pulled pork sandwich, the Mets won while Armando Benitez took the loss, and I clapped as Hideki Matsui caught the last out. We shall never speak of that moment again.
">Big deal...Roger is back. He posted a 4.60 ERA at age 36, 3.70 ERA at age 37, 3.51 ERA at age 38, 4.35 ERA at age 39, and a 3.91 ERA at age 40 in the American League East before moving to the National League and at 44 he is supposed to be the difference maker? A 4.50 ERA sounds about right as crazy as many think that may sound, but that's what I see. Of course he will help them out and would help most any team, but he's getting paid an incredible amount of money to not be an ace. Bring on Clemens....the Red Sox are still the team to beat in the AL East and the Mets are still the team to beat in the Majors.
posted by michael o. at 1:19 AM
38 Comments:
Hahaha, that stupid comic strip was funny as hell, not as funny as Suzyn Waldman's explosion of excitement for Roger Clemens but still very funny.
ROger Clemens will help them to a .500 but with a bullpen that is pure grade A shit, its not going anywhere. Clemens can't pitch the 7th, 8th innings. And even if he does make it to the 8th, Mariano is pitching like Fuasto Carmona '06 edition, so who knows if that's a good thing.
I'm not longer backpacking so I can keep up with my team, so watch out bitches, Chinga FIAO is ready to take over and dominate like last year. Got my new buddy Garret Atkins to help me kick ass.
6:46 AM
Benny, I may be in last place now, but I made the pickup of the year - Jason Marquis baby. He threw a 3 hit shutout last night. Watch out.
John in RI
8:11 AM
The only one who has to watch out is you.
Jason Marquis is the mascot of failure.
Your going to do the typical thing and "ride it out" when he has 3 bad starts in a row. Then after about 6 or 7 starts you'll give up and drop him but its too late the damage has been done...
9:25 AM
I think Clemens’ worth to the Yankees is overblown and as you mentioned, he’s not going to give you innings. I don’t think he will be nearly as dominant as he was the NL for obvious reasons and for the production he should put out, he will be getting wildly overpaid. Pretty crazy how much he is getting paid and how it’s taken on a life of it’s own.
The Yankees have more problems than one starter….they just don’t scare me anymore and even the offense is a bit off overall. They simply aren’t the machine they have been in the past.
John, I sense some sarcasm in your voice….
I’ll be up in Newport, RI for a wedding in July….good times.
Jason Marquis is the mascot of failure.
It’s funny because it’s true. The false sense of hope he provides is fleeting.
9:37 AM
Mike - I am having difficulty grasping why you were sitting in Yankee Stadium rooting for the Yankees. Please explain.
10:21 AM
Toasty...I had free tickets. I was reveling in anything that had to with them doing bad...quietly rooting for the Rangers. Upon the last out, something happened. Something frightening and extremely disturbing happened. Disturbing like getting turned on while watching elephants get busy on the Discovery Channel....when the Yanks won, I stood up and clapped in what had the outward appearance of joy. Then I caught myself and confusion, remorse, and a feeling of disgust set in. "What just happened", I said. I have no idea what happened and as stated before, we shall never speak of this moment again.
10:30 AM
MIKE MADE A NEW POST.........MIKE IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OHHHHH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!!!!!!!!
MIKE IS ALIVE AND WELL, OF ALL THE DRAMATIC THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN ON THIS BLOG, MIKE IS HERE POSTING AGAIN!!!!!!!
WELCOME HOME MIKE!
10:31 AM
I don't deserve that type of enthusiasm. I rooted for the Yankees and even though it was for a nano-second, it happened.
Tonight might actually be a real post...though this one might be the post of the century with the panda cartoon. An instant classic.
10:44 AM
it's called giving in to the peer pressure.
You clapped because the people around you did.
Don't worry about it. Many mets gave in to the peer pressure recently as well.
Does Green look like E.T. to you?
10:57 AM
the cartoon was funny as hell.
suzyn waldman sounded like jesus christ announced he acknoledged the screw up and would make 100% man instead of 45%
10:58 AM
I don't think it was peer pressure. That's the thing. It was very much organic at the time. I need to be held....
RE: The Mets giving into peer pressure, I'm guessing you are referring to the hair cutting? I like it. It's a looooong season and sometimes you have to spice things up. Just like you need to bring some whips and chains into the bedroom, teams need to grow mustaches or shave their heads or something. Keeps it interesting and is fun for them...not so much for us...but for them.
Ossy...I was in the car the other day and was listening to a Yankee game. Actually it was the Red Sox Yankee game. John Sterling is by far the worst in the biz and Waldmen (though I've heard otherwise) is pretty bad. I do commend her enthusiasm and knowledge of all things Yankees, she's weird. She was very proficient in getting good conversations with players and had a tidbit about everyone which was nice, but that seems to be her best asset.
The Mets guys are just so good all around and can riff off baseball and keep things interesting. We are truly spoiled.
11:28 AM
mike, i was at yankee stadium saturday for wang's 7.1 perfect innings - my boss offered me 2 tickets and my dad's a yankee fan - so i took my dad to the game. which is weird...but...
anyway, i was rooting for seattle, however, once wang got through 5 i was rooting for the perfect game...because as a mets fan, we know it's not going to happen at shea...
11:49 AM
AE....it will happen. And when it does, it'll be swell.
Ah fuck optimism. The glass is half empty and it's not happening.
12:59 PM
ah ha, now we know what happened to you...you became a yanker fan! Maybe it is the years of rooting for sad sacks from NY got you all confused, Yes that team sucks and yes they are from a part of NY, but No you’re not to root for them.
In any event we must fit you for a hairshirt and there is a special chair in the corner. You sit there after you write on the blackboard 26 times "The only time, and I mean the only time it is permissable to root for the Yankmes is when they play the Br*ves."
1:48 PM
"The beer was flowing..." That seems like a good reason/excuse for me. You had your beer goggles on and, like a hideous woman can look acceptable for a moment (or a couple of hours)you got caught up in a Yankers moment. But those must have been some beer goggles. Did you wake up feeling dirty?
I caught the Reds-Rockies series here in Cincy last weekend. (Yeah I miss going to Mets game but this is what's available to me right now). I'm telling you, it's the fucking Josh Hamilton show! Sweet swing, blazing speed, rocket arm, awesome defense. He is easily the best player on the Reds right now. Fun to watch him play. Check out these great t-shirts:
http://redusandweep.com/2007/04/30/the-hobbs-shirt-is-upon-us/
2:41 PM
Just saw Victor Diaz smack a Grand Slam for the Rangers vs The Pride of the Skankees...Yes, that Victor Diaz. Where the hell did he pop up from? I have no idea.
Good to be back on Mike's blog. Haven't had much time due to work lately. That all changed this week with my dismissal from my place of employment. The reason? I'm still not sure. Not my lack of enthusiasm, doing as little work as possible nor the cavalier attitude I had to the millionaires I worked for. No, I was fired because the chef didn't like me.
What ran through my mind as I left work for the last time? "Fucking Swell!"
4:42 PM
Scott, not so swell.
metsfanincincy, I think you summed it up eloquently. Why can't I have beer goggles?
5:26 PM
Oh, and Diaz has been in the Rangers organization for a while...I saw him all last night at the top of the steps.
5:28 PM
Duquette wants Park. I want Daniel Cabrera and that Markakis fellow.
Glad to see you're still around. I've been hitting the Xanax hard since your last post. The anticipation was just overwhelming.
Emad
12:03 AM
Mike, you go away for a bit, have your butt smacked (I hope you smacked hers) then turn this thing into a Yankee blog? I'll admit that I realize I should probably see a game in Yankee stadium before it closes, but I don't care if it's against the Long Island Ducks, I won't clap for the Skankees.
Anyway, happy your back and that that wicked sense of humor is preserved.
Best headline of the day comes from the Daily Snooze: "Year is Young, Yankees Aren't."
Roger Clemens can suck my left one!
7:48 AM
Emad...I'm running low on some Xanax. hook a brother up.
Eh....I realized when I was in Yankee Stadium how horrid the place really is. I get it. It's old and was built eons ago. That doesn't change the fact it is one of the most cramped and dank stadiums out there. I haven't gotten bumped into more times at any sporting even than I did at Yankee Stadium that game.
Some douche was doing the double point with his head turned while walking in the opposite direction than he was looking in a stadium that was housing 50,000+. I lowered the shoulder and dropped the boom.
That was just one instance of a long line of instances of these animals called Yankee fans recklessly bumping into people. F-ing ponderous. A large part of the problem is just how cramped it is. And the concourse is terrible. At least in Shea it's open air. The Yankees have what amount to catacombs.
9:42 AM
The only reason to cheer for the yankees...well one of them...maybe
"So into the vortex stepped 20-year-old Phil Hughes, a 6'5" righthander with overpowering stuff who was the crown jewel of the farm system. On May 1, in his second big league appearance,Hughes
walked Rangers leadoff man Kenny Lofton after starting him off with a couple of strikes. The kid called Posada out to the mound. "If I walk another hitter after starting out 0-2, punch me in the mouth," Hughes told the veteran catcher. The Rangers did not get a hit off him for the next 6-plus innings."
11:20 AM
Joe...pure heresy. Trying to make a legend of the kid already. He beat up a bad team. WOO!
He's good for sure, but there is not discernible reason to cheer for them unless you are cheering for them to do bad.
The Showdown is coming. Hold on tight.
11:35 AM
We could also note that the kid is willing to use his breaking ball. Our isn't (which is probably why, alas, he should be in the minors).
You know the big thing about Yankme Stadium is that Dr. Ruth played there. I mean, the Beatles, at least, played Shea. Gehrig made his speech there. But they still stuck.
More importantly, did you spank her back? We need back story dude!
12:11 PM
And what's this Brewers will test the Mets stuff going around today? The Brewers play against a division full of teams who couldn't make it past the Fish. The Mets will test the Brewers.
12:15 PM
The Brewers lose 2 of 3 end of story. The one loss is close.
No. I didn't spank her back. The truth is I barely remember that happening. If it were not for pictures, it probably would have been stricken from my memory.
1:15 PM
mike i think you owe it to yourself to shave your head and post the picture.
"I lowered the shoulder and dropped the boom." -- classic.
1:59 PM
Well, my head is already buzzed, though not shaved. As for posting the picture, that could surely be worked out.
Dropping the boom on Yankee fans could be my new favorite pastime.
2:36 PM
'Dropping the boom on Yankee fans could be my new favorite pastime.'
They aren't worth physical violence. I've stood in the bleachers at The Stadium and withstood all sorts of verbal abuse, but never once did I acknowledge them.
Nothing incenses a person more than being totally ignored.
Emad
2:45 PM
My head is buzzed regularly. You don't want to see the picture.
4:50 PM
no i don't really want to see your bald heads. i just thought mike needed to do something to redeem himself. dropping the boom would have redeemed him, but he did that before he cheered for the yankees.
so i guess you need to brake out the razor -- fuck da clippers.
6:46 PM
Geez, I don't know what else to say, its all been said already.
Visit MSF for my commentary on Aaron Heilman.
Mike, we missed you. Welcome back.
10:31 PM
I saw a few funny quips on the internet about the Roger Clemens announcement and some were related to Susan Waldman’s moment in ecstasy. So not apologizing to all the people I stole some of these from I will proceed.
When I heard “Suzy Sunshine” I thought of how Mel Allen must be turning over in his grave. It sounds like she was having an orgasm and a heart attack at the same time. I thought now if Bernie popped up behind her and announced his return she would drop dead.
I was surprised at how the announcement was made but I do believe I missed a few things:
1. The Thunderbirds flying overhead in formation.
2. Roger singing “God Bless America” and then leading the fans in a “Take Me Out To The Ballgame Sing-along.”
3. Roger announcing that he is donating the money to charity.
4. Roger’s, wife, Debbie announcing that as part of the deal she will play the lead in a movie about Anna Nicole Smith.
5. The presence of The Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
6. Mike Piazza parachuting in and running up and kissing Roger.
The only thing missing was a touch of the WWE:
Roger sneaking up behind Pavano and smashing a folding chair over his head and then grabbing the mic and screaming: "Our national disgrace is OVER!!!"
8:21 PM
The only time it is permissible to root for the Yankees if you’re with a hot female who happens to be a passionate Yankees fan and won’t give it up if she finds you’re a Mets fan.
8:26 PM
Clemens averaged 5.9 innings per start last year. I should say in the AL East he may very well average only 5 innings per start. The Yankees have some good arms in the bp but they are grossly over-worked. Clemens will not rectify that situation.
8:30 PM
A few years ago I was in a crowed bar in Old San Juan PR when I felt someone’s butt rubbing against mine. I turned to find it was a gorgeous female. I smiled at her and felt someone’s hand touch my wallet. I turned fully intending to hit this someone only to find a Toulouse Lautrec
look-alike pointing to my wallet. Some Dude that spoke English pulled me aside and informed me that if I punched this gentleman out I would probably not make it out of the bar alive and if I was unlucky enough to get out of the bar the local police would throw my carcass into a rat infested cell for who knows how long. He explained that guy was a pimp with the most attractive and expensive stable of girls in Old San Juan and he was just trying to communicate with me. Well when I woke up the following morning I was deliriously happy but totally broke.
9:05 PM
The only time it is permissible to root for the Yankees if you’re with a hot female who happens to be a passionate Yankees fan and won’t give it up if she finds you’re a Mets fan.
No woman is worth that, sorry.
9:50 PM
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