A blog dedicated to the New York Mets with some other baseball thrown in.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Even More Irrefutable Facts About Jack Bauer?

I can't promise this is the last one, but I'm pretty sure it is.

1) When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

2) Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

3) You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

4) It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."

5) Jack Bauer is allowed to leave his phone on during a movie.

6) Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris were stuck in a room together once... After 3 minutes, Chuck Norris left crying without a scratch on him. (we all know Chuck's chest hair could own Bauer)

7) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

8) When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

9) Jack Bauer is the only man who doesn't suffer from shrinkage.

10) When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.

11) Kim is proof that "it skips a generation".

12) If you are not wearing underwear at this moment, then you are "going Jack Bauer".

13) Jack Bauer once took 25 hours to dismantle a terrorist plot. That day has since been referred to as Daylight Savings Time.

14) By special request, Trojan condoms now come in more sizes: regular, large, extra large, and Jack Bauer.

15) If two trains are heading towards the same destination, one starting from 100 miles away going east at 80mph, and another from 120 miles away going west at 100mph, which one arrives first? Answer: Jack Bauer.

16) Jack Bauer broke into a nunnery, and impregnated 52 nuns. As a result, the 1972 Miami Dolphins were created. The only team in NFL history to obtain an undefeated season.

17) Jack Bauer can beat Contra on NES without entering the cheat code.

* * *

  • I know it is pretty often pitchers sit out for the year for injuries, but a pitching coach?

    Pitching coach Dave Wallace, who developed an infection in his hip earlier this month, underwent hip replacement surgery yesterday, making it unlikely he will be with the team this season, if ever again.
    Article Tools

    Wallace's condition, according to Red Sox ace Curt Schilling, had deteriorated last week to the point that ''he literally almost died."

    Wow. Serious shit, but now the team is without their pitching coach. I guess we will have a good example to show us how much pitching coaches affect a team.

  • Pedro speaks.

    "Write it the right way so we don't have any misunderstandings because I've seen A-Rod, seen everybody," Martinez said. "We've had a lot of misunderstandings. I'm not ruling it out. I don't think I'll have enough time to get in shape to pitch at that level. When is the first game -- the 7th? And I haven't even gotten on the mound. You guys make a judgment from there. I'm not ruling it out."

  • In big news, Kaz lit up Billy.

    The crowd gathered around Field 6 at the Mets complex to watch Billy Wagner throw live batting practice, but what dropped jaws was the performance in the batter's box by Kaz Matsui.

    Against Wagner, he drilled the first pitch on a line into left field, then one-hopped the right field wall with an opposite-field rip and took another over the left-center field wall.

    "I don't want to get all jumpy and happy because the first day went well," Matsui said through an interpreter. "That's just the first day."

  • Looks like David Wright won't be the only talented Mets prospect that can say all the right things.

    When Sheffield's name was relayed to Milledge, he demurred. "I just want to play the game, and stay focused on the task at hand," Milledge said. He'll surprise you with modesty, too.

    Hopefully this kids gets to show everyone what he can do as a Met. Here is to hoping there is not starting rotation collapse.

  • Ken Rosenthal says Venezuela should be the favorite in the WBC.

    Venezuela is the early favorite in the World Baseball Classic for one reason alone:

    Its best players are participating.

    "You get guys from other countries saying they want to play and the next thing you know, they can't play," Venezuela manager Luis Sojo says. "That's not the case with Venezuela. They want to play. They want to be on the team. That's all they're talking about."

    Point taken, now lets move on.

  • Roger McDowell got a nice article on ESPN.com today.

    Shortly after the Braves hired McDowell, Schuerholz received a phone call from a friend and front-office colleague.

    "Congratulations," the executive said. "You just hired the next pitching coach superstar."


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