Roger and Me

We know Mike Piazza may go to the Dodgers and Sammy Sosa may end up a Met and we know Piazza may also become an Angel. We also know that Kris Benson is going to sign very, very soon. We also know that Cliffy should not buy a house in NY (who wants to bet that if he is traded, he'll have a healthy productive year once he leaves the Mets). There are also some early April's Fools jokes going around. But all that does not matter because today I'm stepping back from the Hot Stove. All this Sammy Sosa talk has me needing to forget about the New York Metropolitans for bit.

As I was walking around outside my place of work yesterday, I had an unexpected encounter. When walking in the city, I usually walk close to the speed of sound. I walk with a purpose, I have places to go unlike seemingly 99% of the people on the streets. So as I cross the street I notice this big dude wearing a Cingular shirt with what appeared to be a tan from a bottle or caked on makeup. As I made out the figure through the clown makeup, I realized it was none other than Roger "I'm retiring, thanks for the Hummer George, oh now I'm not retiring" Clemens. In an effort to get back to my office, I had to navigate through him and his entourage. He was kind of leading for some reason and not sure where to go. I'm assuming he was doing some type of commercial unless he really likes Cingular and he really likes wearing makeup. He looked like he was looking for some direction on where to go and kind of clogging the corner. Attempting to seize my opportunity during the confusion to make my way through the small crowd I tried to take Roger on the right. I slipped in and there was a building to my right and Roger to my left. Clemens then abruptly makes a hard right as he had receive his eventual coordinates and moves in my direction almost impaled me between his hefty frame and tons of concrete. Escaping narrowly, I turned on the after burners to leave the Rocket behind. My life flashed before my eyes for second, I had thought I ate my last burrito yesterday. Thankfully, I am unscathed and intact after that near catastrophe.

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Gary Sheffield's wife is on tape involved in lewd acts with two other men. One of the men is reportedly R. Kelly. This tape was supposed to be around ten years old, which would make Kelly Sheffield eighteen at the time and that really makes this story perplexing. We all know that R. Kelly does not usually have a taste for legal woman. Although R. Kelly's spokesperson could not confirm or deny if it was in fact in him in the film, they were quick to release this statement:

"We can, however, confirm that no one is suggesting the tape depicts anything but the activities of consenting adults," Kelly's spokesperson Allan Mayer said.

Riiiiiiiiiigggghhht. The key word in that above statement is adults. Smart money is around 10 years old means it was probably a bit over ten years knowing R. Kelly's history.

Derrick Mosley, who is the one attempting to blackmail the Sheffield’s with this tape is now in jail after being arrested for extortion.

"We will not be blackmailed," Sheffield's statement continued. "I will not have my family be dragged through the mud and filth. I have not seen the alleged videotape, nor do I care to. I love my wife and I vow to stand by her through any trial or tribulation."

I'm glad Sheffield did not cave in and agree to pay this guy, but Mosley really should have known better. He can spin it however he wants. He claims he is doing the right thing by allowing Sheffield to purchase the tape for a nominal charge of $20,000 instead of selling the film to porn sites. Derek, that is extortion.

Main Entry: ex•tort
Pronunciation: ik-'stort
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: Latin extortus, past participle of extorquEre to wrench out, extort, from ex- + torquEre to twist -- more at TORTURE
: to obtain from a person by force, intimidation, or undue or illegal power : WRING; also : to gain especially by ingenuity or compelling argument

The bottom line is that celebrities need to stop filming themselves doing the nasty. I do it, no one cares. R. Kelly and Kelly Sheffield do it, people notice and people try and get paid.

As for R. Kelly, I can only say this.

Mr. Kelly, if there is grass on the field, the ball is not necessarily in play.

* * *
Here is a new take on and old favorite:



The same guy how did that image made this image that was pretty funny and this one that is less funny, but still entertaining.

* * *

Hello? Is there anyone home?



* * *
Anna Benson has been crowned baseball's hottest wife.



"I heard the players were excited about the trade because they wanted to see if they could catch Kris and me having sex in the stadium,"

"Three and a half hours a day, for 162 days, of baseball is a lot of boredom. There's nothing to do, so I come up with fantasies. Owning a team would be fun. I'd have rules about cheating on your wife because that's out of control....And I'd always be in the locker room. If I'm paying them millions to play for me, I should be able to watch them walk around naked." As to who would be the first players she would trade for on her fantasy team, she says, "Mark Mulder, Richie Sexson, Barry Zito, Jeff Weaver - he's a cutie pie."

I take back all I said about Omar needing to play hardball about signing Kris Benson for market value. The gems that Anna Benson will be dishing out on a daily basis are worth the $1.5 million more per year than he is worth.