More Irrefutable Facts About Jack Bauer?

1) If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

2) When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

3) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

4) If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

5) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

6) Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

7) If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.

8) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. (this was one of the best TV lines ever...I cracked up when I heard him say this)

9) Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

10) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

11) Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

12) When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".

13) Jack Bauer once won a game of rock paper scissors using neither rock, paper nor scissors.

14) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

15) When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

16) Jack Bauer once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

17) Tom Jones throws his underwear on stage for Jack Bauer.

* * *

Pedro is coming along fine and feels better. Get ready for DAILY updates on Pedro. This will get old quickly.

The Mariners are making Kenji Johjima feel at home.

They have named him "Yo-mama," the old insult that has evolved to friendly familiarity.

Closer/kidder Eddie Guardado spun that into "Jose-jima."

"He don't look Japanese to me," Guardado said, showing he can poke fun from the get-go. "I think he's Mexican-ese."

Boras speaks out...

Guillen apparently didn't see it that way. "Alex was kissing Latino people's (butts)," he said. "He knew he wasn't going to play for the Dominicans; he's not a Dominican! I hate hypocrites. He's full of (bleep)."

He is full of shit Ozzie. The slap heard around the world destroyed his credibility no matter how many lives he saves.

"The thing I'd say about that is that if Alex is a hypocrite, then everyone who is American and has parents of different heritage and wants to be respectful of that is a hypocrite, too," agent Scott Boras said. "If that's being a hypocrite, then I'd want to be one. Alex was thoughtfully considering a difficult decision and was trying to make the right decision for him and his family."

Did anyone else know that Jose Reyes' 161 games in 2005 were a Met record for shortstops?

That's difficult to imagine after Reyes led the National League with 60 stolen bases last season and stayed healthy enough to play a club-record 161 games at shortstop (Bud Harrelson set the previous mark of 156 in 1970).

IT'S LIMA TIME!!! After seeing a few pictures of his wife, I started wondering how much money he has made over his career to land such a woman and have her stay with him after he was relegated to pitching in the Independent League for a time. I'm not suggesting she is a gold digger, but sometimes you have to wonder. Then, I read this...

Jose Lima arrived in a three-piece gray suit, which he said was one of the 2,000 in his collection. "I never repeat a suit," Lima said. As for earning a spot on the Mets, he said, "Even though I struggled last year, Jose Lima's not done yet. And I'm going to prove that."

Now I really started to wonder how much he has made. 2,000 suits? Let us put them at $500 each, which is rather conservative being It's Lima Time!!!! probably does not put on anything less than Hugo Boss suits and that would be slumming for a man of his stature. That means he has spent at least $1,000,000 on suits. In his career, he has raked in $24,075,444 and spent 4% of that on suits. The results say he has a enough money to hang onto her since he made the lions share of it in Texas, but he does lead a quite lavish lifestyle as evidenced by his "stylish gray suit, a black fedora complete with feather and a garish pair of earrings that would choke a Hilton" that he wore the other day so bankruptcy might also be around the corner if he does not keep pulling down million dollar paychecks.

If you want to read about LoDuca, you have plenty of virtual ink out there for him. I personally don't care.

Bob Raissman's article on SNY gave me the warm and fuzzies.

Dolan and Time Warner chief Dick Parsons didn't swap Valentine's Day cards the other day, but Cablevision - as a programmer - already has deals in place with Time Warner and Comcast. In the future, Cablevision will bring new networks onto the market while also looking to renew old deals.

So, it may make it easier for Cablevision to carry SNY when it knows down the road, during a negotiation, Time Warner or Comcast might be more inclined to cut a deal with Cablevision to carry one of its networks - like AMC, MSG, or FSNY.

Even is Scobie pitches lights out this spring, the team is way too crowded for him to make it. This year is a stark contrast to to last year when it was more wide open since there are more spots guaranteed to people no matter how much they struggle. Too bad. Say hello to Heath Bell in AAA for us.

Irrefutable Facts About Jack Bauer?

I think everyone knows that Chuck Norris can kick the fictional Jack Bauer's ass. Regardless of the fact that Chuck Norris can, and has done this in the here and now while Jack Bauer is completely fabricated, the Jack facts are entertaining.

1) If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

2) If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

3) Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

4) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

5) Jack Bauers calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

6) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

7) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

8) Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

9) Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.

10) Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

11) Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.

12) When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

13) There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.

14) Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.

15) Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.

....to be continued

* * *

A new Valentine's Day craze?

If it's Valentine's Day, it must be White Castle.

No, seriously.

More than 300 city couples wined and dined - okay, just dined - on sacks of Slyders yesterday as part of a special Feb. 14 promotion by the fast-food chain famous for its bite-sized, 49-cent burgers.

Mmmmmm...White Castle....

One year, $9 million dollars.

On the day pitchers and catchers reported to spring training, the Angels made their biggest move of the off-season by acquiring pitcher Jeff Weaver on Tuesday to fortify the starting rotation.

Weaver, who went 14-11 with a 4.22 ERA for the Dodgers last season, signed a one-year deal worth $8.4 million that includes incentives which could take his salary as high as $9 million.

According to a source, the Angels were trying to finalize a two-year deal worth around $17 million, but Weaver balked because he felt he was being paid under market value and didn't want to commit to that pay level for more than one season. Weaver made $9.35 million with the Dodgers last season.

It also begs the question, do players play harder in their walk year?

While it was Jeff Weaver that balked at a deal of more than one year, it is the Angels who could actually benefit, since Weaver will be pitching to earn a long-term deal after the season. Kevin Millwood singed a one-year deal with the Cleveland Indians last season and won the American League ERA title at 2.86.

"I've herd the theory," general manager Bill Stoneman said. "I don't know statistically if you can prove the theory. What you want is you want everybody on your club giving 100 percent, 100 percent of the time.

We know there are some that have monstrous walk years, but to think that players are mailing it in until they get a chance to line their pockets is certainly disconcerting.

Here is a nice little read on Rick Ankiel.

How much of a future Ankiel has as an everyday outfielder could crystallize in the coming weeks. At two levels last summer, he hit 21 home runs with 75 RBIs in 85 games. He caught eyes. He evolved from experiment to curiosity to, although 26, prospect.

The Mets top ten fantasy players:


1. David Wright | 3B | $31
Young, great and getting better. He added stolen bases to his already impressive skill set, making his toolbox full. Wright is a .302 hitter over his season and a half in the big leagues, and he has real power. He'll score and drive in runs, and he will likely spend more of the season hitting in more premium spots in the order than last year. Hitting in pitchers' park Shea Stadium doesn't even seem to faze Wright. You're watching the beginning of a career that has "Cooperstown" written all over it.

Cooperstown? Fucking swell. The kid can play.

MLB.com looks at the Mets bench.

Mets: Marlon Anderson and Jose Offerman are gone, but Chris Woodward and Ramon Castro return. Those two, plus outfielder Endy Chavez and ageless wonder Julio Franco, provide Mets manager Willie Randolph with versatility and veteran talent on his bench.

Woodward started at six positions last season -- he didn't pitch, catch or start in center field -- and rarely looked uncomfortable. Two game-winning hits underscored his value.

Chavez can play all three outfield positions. He may emerge as the team's primary pinch-runner, even in situations in which other outfielders are involved. He could replace Carlos Delgado or Franco on the bases, then play the outfield with Xavier Nady shifting to first base.

How the rest of the bench breaks down depends on whom Randolph has playing second base and right field. Kaz Matsui and Anderson Hernandez are the second-base options and Nady and Victor Diaz are in the hunt for the right-field job. Non-roster invitee Jose Valentin is also in the picture.

Like many of us, Ken Rosenthal is concerned about a once very deep staff.

2. The Mets' loss of starting-pitching depth.

Granted, the Mets needed to upgrade their bullpen, but by trading right-handers Kris Benson and Jae Seo in separate deals, GM Omar Minaya left his rotation perilously thin. He also parted with the Mets' top pitching prospect, right-hander Yusmeiro Petit, in the Carlos Delgado trade.

The Mets' rotation will consist of three older pitchers — Pedro Martinez, 34; Tom Glavine, 39 and Steve Trachsel, 35 — along with the maddening Victor Zambrano and promising but unproven Aaron Heilman. Beyond those five, who knows?

Jorge Julio and Duaner Sanchez, the relievers acquired for Benson and Seo, had better be good.

John Sickels goes over lays out his Mets top 20 and I have to say, I don't agree.

NEW YORK METS TOP 20 PROSPECTS

1. Lastings Milledge, OF, Grade A-
2. Mike Pelfrey, RHP, Grade A- (changed from book)
3. Anderson Hernandez, SS, Grade C+
4. Brian Bannister, RHP, C+
5. Carlos Gomez, OF, C+
6. Emmanuel Garcia, SS, C+
7. Brett Harper, 1B, C+
8. Fernando Martinez, OF, C+
9. Robert Parnell, RHP, C+
10. Phil Humber, RHP, C
11. Alay Soler, RHP, C
12. Jeff Keppinger, 2B, C
13. Mike Carp, 1B, C
14. Ryan Coultas, SS, C
15. Matthew Durkin, RHP, C
16. German Marte, RHP, C
17. Shawn Bowman, 3B, C
18. Nick Evans, 3B, C
19. Jon Niese, LHP, C
20. Evan MacLane, LHP, C

Boy, what a depressing farm system, the guts ripped out by trades this winter.

To refresh everyone's memory...

BA's top 10
1. Lastings Milledge
2. Mike Pelfrey
3. Phil Humber
4. Carlos Gomez
5. Fernando Martinez
6. Anderson Hernandez
7. Brian Bannister
8. Alay Soler
9. Deolis Guerra
10. Jon Niese

My top 10...
1. Lastings Milledge
2. Mike Pelfrey
3. Fernando Martinez
4. Carlos Gomez
5. Phil Humber
6. Deolis Guerra
7. Alay Soler
8. Brian Bannister
9. Andy Wilson
10. Bobby Parnell

Despite how subjective rating prospects can be, especially with kids like Fernando Martinez that you have not seen and the track record for Cuban defectors in Soler's case, I think he missed the mark. He completely omitted Deolis Guerra for one and his top 20 is deserving of a nice roundhouse to the head.

Sosa might retire. Big whoopie. Hall of Famer, or not? I say no. Why? Because I do not put him up there in legendary status and his career is somewhat marred.

The Good 'Ole Days

The days of athletes getting really competitive in an exhibition game are over. We know it, they know it, and even people with the same IQ as John Rocker know it. Alan Schwartz had an interesting article about the American League and it's perceived dominance over the National League that should definitely be given a look, but one passage stuck out that speaks volumes about today's game.

"He really wanted to win the World Series every year, win the All-Star Game, draw more people than the American League, and at every All-Star Game he would go in the clubhouse and give the players a real pep talk about beating the other league," said Giles' son, Bill, later the controlling partner of the Phillies. "Even during the World Series, when we were flying charter flights in those days with executives from each league, he wanted the National League plane to take off first and land first."

By the late 1980s, though, the All-Star Game had ceded some of its allure, perhaps because of the growth of other sporting spectacles like the flourishing NBA and various summertime diversions. The growing apathy spread to the players themselves. Contract bonuses began being the greatest reward for selection, and as union solidarity became commonplace, a certain chumminess painted over what had been fierce competition. The recent carrot of earning home-field advantage in the World Series helps, but only to a point.

"I think now," Gillick said, "people think, 'It's nice to win,' but there's a more cozy feeling than there used to be."

In the end, the most telling characteristic of the American League's recent dominance over the National is that nobody particularly cares. Quite a contrast from 1981, when first-time All-Star Dusty Baker walked into the NL clubhouse in Cleveland and was met immediately by one Pete Rose.

"We haven't lost to those guys in, like, nine years," Rose informed Baker, "and we aren't losing this year."

The NL did win, 5-4. Rose didn't score in that game. Perhaps he did afterward.

Of course every player says they want to win the game. Whether it be opening day, regular season, All-Star weekend, or the playoffs. I'm sure they do, who wants to lose? However, the fire that Pete Rose use to exhibit is something that is found few and far between. I would be surprised if any player genuinely cared about winning the mid-summer classic these days. In fact, it is debatable whether or not 90% of the players out there truly care about winning a championship over and above everything else.

Year after year fans get treated to players like Miguel Tejada who all of a sudden have amnesia about why they signed their contract in the first place and complain about their team's lack of success. I do not care what Angelos or any scout, gm, agent, or player told Tejada, you do not have to go to MIT to see that the Orioles being a competitive team any time soon in the uber competitive AL East was a long shot.

We live in a day that players have accumulated more money than they can spend in ten lifetimes and it is rare that players act in an altruistic manner. The fact is that Chipper Jones did not lose any money when he restructured his contract for the Braves. He just delayed when he receives the money. Despite the fact Chipper will be no worse for the wear, players do not put their money where their mouths are and do not put winning in front of their paychecks. That's how I feel. Anyone can feel free to disagree, but the game has come down to money first, winning second with the majority of the players out there.

* * *

Anaheim is going to try and fight back and plan to ask a judge to order the Angels to drop Los Angeles from the team's name. You seriously have to love it. I do side with the city here because the Angels stadium is a healthy 28+ miles from Los Angeles. That is the equivalent of putting a Stadium in Lincoln Park, NJ for you North Jersey folks and calling it a New York team. A lot of teams put stadiums outside their actual town and possibly that far, but that is because they are making a business decision because it would be too expensive or there just is flat out no room. Neither is the case for the Angels and they signed a deal with the city of Anaheim and have kept them in their team name in a way that can only be called ridiculous. End the madness.

John Donovan likes Mike Jacobs.

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

Mike Jacobs is just what the Marlins were looking for this off-season. He's young and, of course, cheap, which is an unbeatable combination for the Marlins. The former Mets' prospect, who came over in the Carlos Delgado trade, is also loaded with talent. The first baseman homered in his first big-league at-bat last August and ended up with 11 homers in 100 at-bats, batting .310. He'll play every day with the Marlins, probably for a long time.

It's Lima time!!!!

The Angels expect an answer from Jeff Weaver today.

The Angels expect to receive an answer today from Weaver, who has been courted by several teams, including the Rangers and Cleveland Indians. The Angels originally offered Weaver a one-year deal plus an option for 2007, but they are believed to have bumped their offer to two years.

Angel owner Arte Moreno said he would like an answer by today so that if Weaver signs with the Angels, he can be in camp for the start of workouts Thursday. But it is unclear how firm Moreno's deadline is or whether the offer will be pulled if Weaver does not accept it by today.

Adding New Meaning to Titmouse

Very interesting...

A complete, functioning breast has been grown from a single stem cell, by researchers in Australia. It was done in a mouse, but experts believe it won't be long before it happens in humans.

* * *

Quote machine David Wright:

"My biggest thing is I want to experience playoff baseball in New York," Wright told The Post after a workout at the Mets' spring-training complex. "I want to experience playing in October. That's what's pushed me this off-season. Playing in October is something I want to experience year in and year out."

Swell. Fucking swell. I hope there is October baseball for the Mets too so I can finally get to by some playoffs ticket as an added benefit of my season package. So far, it has yielded nothing but me drinking more and more beer at the games as the season progresses.

"Our bullpen is second to none," said Wright, who batted .306 last year with 27 home runs and 102 RBIs. He pointed to the additions of Jorge Julio and Duaner Sanchez ("He's filthy," Wright gushed) that will shorten the game and make life easier for Pedro Martinez and Tom Glavine. "We have a couple of legitimate closers who are going to pitch the seventh and eighth innings and obviously if you get to the ninth inning, it's game over with Billy Wagner pitching.

Umm...not so much. I'm pretty sure the Mets bullpen is second to quite a few. They may be good, but they are far from a sure thing. This may be a case of trying to tap into the power of positive thinking.

The Angels have put a deadline on Jeff Weaver.

still on the clock
Feb 14 - The Angels continue to have a deadline for Wednesday for free-agent right-hander Jeff Weaver to accept their contract offer.

According to a report in the Los Angeles Daily News, the Angels have increased their offer to Weaver to a one-year deal with an option for a second year. The newspaper speculates the pitcher likely will command about $9 million per season.

If Weaver joins the Angels he will become part of a starting rotation that already includes Bartolo Colon, John Lackey, Ervin Santana and Kelvim Escobar.

You would think the Angels are sick of dealing with the combination of Boras and any Weaver. Weaver has seemingly no options and he is being offered a pretty good amount of dollars per year for his production.

The saga continues with the player that most exemplifies the meaning of teammate.

Alfonso Soriano remains adamant about playing second base for the Nationals and remains opposed to moving to the outfield. The Nationals hope he changes his mind, Florida Today reports.

"If [Jose] Vidro is healthy, Vidro is our second baseman," GM Jim Bowden told the newspaper. "Jose Vidro is not a player that has other places he can play and be as effective as he is at second, where we feel that Soriano is so talented that he could move to either center or left field and really help our team. ... We hope at some point that he agrees to play the outfield, because that's how our team is going to be best-structured."

I cannot wait until Alfonso blows this up.

No Mets made the Baseball America Winter All-Stars, but Anderson Hernandez did get a special mention of sorts.

Angels' shortstop Brandon Wood might have set an Arizona Fall League record with 14 homers, but Pirates utility man Yurendell De Caster came within two home runs shy of the Venezuelan League mark. While it was close between the two players--not to mention the postseason heroics of Mets' infielder Anderson Hernandez and the numbers White Sox outfielder Jerry Owens put up--De Caster is our Winter Player of the Year based on his numbers, as well as the level of competition he played against in the Venezuelan League.

Will he take Kaz's spot in the Spring? Am I the only guy still pulling for Kaz?

Another Pointless Post

Well, first reports I read were that Soler throws in the mid 90's. Then Jose Valentin said that he does not throw hard and is around 90. Now Soler's agent says 96.

Soler has three types of sliders, a sinker, changeup and of course the "reta," or fastball. A visitor offers to catch one of the fastballs with a regular glove and Rosario laughs. "You kidding? Ninety-six, bro. That thing will break your hand."

I'm hoping mid 90's, but I'm guessing Valentin is right. Of course it won't matter as long as he is effective, but I like the Mets building up a stable of power arms. Power arms have not exactly been a signature of this organization for a while as they have had relatively soft tossing guys outside of Armando Benitez, Braden Looper, and Roberto Hernandez.

Alay Soler's story is a pretty interesting article, give it a read.

* * *

Questions abound. Adam Rubin has five of them and Don Burke has ten of them.

Rubin brings up something that is so utterly ridiculous in his article it made me poke myself in the eye with plastic fork.

For all the chatter about Carlos Beltran being more suited for the No. 2 spot in the lineup, Randolph steadfastly maintained last season that Beltran will be a three-hole hitter during his Mets career.

Huh? How can you make that sort of silly statement? Randolph still manages to baffle me and makes a lunatic lineup projection for six years from now. He could have certainly said simply 'next year' but decided to assume there is no choice but to bat Beltran third while he is a Met 'just because'. He acts like he has no choice in the matter. Somehow signing Beltran to a mega deal means he has to bat third no matter who is better suited for the most coveted spot in the lineup.

And to top it, once again Rubin had conveyed the point that LoDuca will most likely be clogging up the paths and hitting tons of singles in front of Beltran and going 1st to 2nd on singles hit by Beltran taking away a lot of stolen bases from one of the most best base stealers of our generation. You cannot make this stuff up. Talk about getting the most out of your team.

Q&A with "Stand" Pat Gillick:


Q: One of your stated goals when you were hired Nov. 2 was to win five more games than last year's 88-win team. Is the group you're taking to Clearwater good enough to win 92 games?

A: Probably not.....blah, blah, we suck, blah blah, our pitching sucks.

You have to like the the man's honesty.

Q: The landscape of the NL East has changed, with the Mets making aggressive moves and the Florida Marlins trading most of their top players. Where do the Phillies fit in?

A: Talent-wise, the Mets have maybe the best club, but everybody thought Florida was going to be the one last year. The wild card is Atlanta. They've won 14 (straight) titles and they've got a lot of young people, and young people usually improve. I think we'll be in the mix with the Mets and Atlanta.

That's right bitch. M-E-T-S, Mets, Mets, Mets.

Mets first place in meaningless power rankings? Check.

Jeff Wilpon may not have the Midas touch when it comes to constructing a ball club, but he knows a good stadium when he sees it and is going to partially model the new Mets' stadium after a park that many people think is the nicest in the league in PNC Park.